Helen Lawson!

Perhaps the greatest cinematic line of all time: The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby, remembahh? Oh, to be in the stage version of Valley of the Dolls! Hell, to be in a remake of the film!

I'm no blonde and I can't play frigid, so I suppose that leaves me with having to tune up my pipes and strap on Neely O'Hara. God help us! Oh, but the leotards...and those fabulous little red and black striped tops!

And for the record I'm prepared to say Ted Casablanca is not a fag...and I'm the dame who can prove it. Here I come, Broadway! I want a doll! I WANT A DOLL!!!