Current Economy Explained Through iTunes

Let's hope it really is just for a limited time.

Lost Underpants

Economic times have been tough; you've got to make sure you've got at least seven pairs to complete the set. I just hope this recent posting in my neighb isn't trying to pass as installation art. LACC, after all, isn't too many blocks away.

I Finally Understand: Squirrels

Squirrels must be smarter than all other urban wildlife; they must have figured out that if they slow down in the least we will tame and hoard them as our pets. They must sense how desirable their big fluffy tails and bright money eyes are and how much we love them. One eyed me from the cafe garden gates, and if it had winked, that wink would have been all-knowing.

In Summary

A) The Fonz (yes, Henry Winkler) and I concocted a business plan to benefit Orthodox Jewish women on Monday; B) I got to live out my childhood dream of acting as an airplane with the aid of a weightlifter on Tuesday; C) On Wednesday, I bought $13.15 of seaweed.

Tomorrow (Thursday): it's going to be 1989, and I'm already preparing the hair.

Be Yourself For Halloween

Meaning that I asked myself existential questions while cleaning house and watching past episodes of "Mad Men." If the walls to the spirits were thin last night, my dearly departeds got a good glimpse of what it means to clutter-clear without face paint or a naughty nurse costume.

Some Mantis To Watch Over Me

Hey there, enormous lady insect right outside my apartment door. I've heard tell you sometimes feel like eating men, mice, and hummingbirds, and do. Hence the confusion over whether to refer to you as "praying" or "preying." You've got good front limbs for being reverential, though, with or without some leafy temple. I wish you had access to the internet, so you could fill me in on which of the meanings I should ascribe to your sudden appearance: the importance of stillness and patience before making the right move? A sign that the opportunity I've been awaiting is arriving now? That I need to wear more green, or get my biceps in better shape to audition for that girl pirate movie coming up?

For a minute there, you got worried I was after you, and with increasing speed starting scrambling off on those masterful paws. When I backed off and headed up the stairs you got still again and tracked me with your big, moony eyes. A day and a half later, I'm still thinking of you, hoping you'll stop by again to take out some cockroaches and use the English language to guide me.

Viva Los Girlparts: Germs, Clowns, or Dolls

Today's round of audition notices-for-the-masses in Hollywood were especially fruity.

Today we 20-t0-30-somethings had the opportunity to speak out on our phobia of germs, clowns, or dolls.

If we have a big head, we could receive body painting in service of the big company led by a guileless mouse.

If we look like a realtor, there are many options (note: have we sold a house before?).

Are we willing to commit to a "rape portion" of a script, concluding with "lifelessness"?

Are we the elder of two sea-nymphs?