The Feng Shui of Money

WOW!!! Feng Shui for finances works WONDERS! I know, because I tried it.

As many books on the topic will tell you, it is important first to acquire a lot of money. You will need this money for the purpose of a) wallpaper; b) stuffing; and c) outfits. Money used for these purposes will send a message to the world that says: I have money! And as we all know, like attracts like.

The best way to get started is to put your money everywhere. DO NOT SPEND IT. Do you hear me? It is very tempting to take the money you have and use it for things. After all, this is the moment you have been waiting for! Having money! To trade for actual stuff!!!

What you need to do with your money, though, is be able to see it. How are you going to know it's there otherwise? And more importantly, how will the I Ching, the Bagua, and the ghost of Grandma know it's there?

I started by making a curtain of my Benjamins in my kitchen. Then there was an oven fire, and then I had a lot of recycling to do. So I proceeded by turning my bed into a pile of money which I could sleep on and in doing so envision greater things, like more money, for when I wake up. It's like I'm my own Rumplestiltskin!!!

Also I made a carpet out of money, carp out of money, and a pet. It doesn't bark, it doesn't eat, and it attracts better finances to my wallet. Huzzah for me!

And most importantest of it all, is of course to dress yourself in your money. Make a hat--think pillbox! Tie it around your head with a string, preferably free. Look in the mirror--how many money hats do you have now?? The possibilities are infinite. There's you, and the other you, and your hat, and that other hat, and the hat behind it, and behind it, and behind it...