Fascination with Better

For my one-woman show, "Workhorse," I have spent an inordinate amount of time this last year studying, talking, and thinking about work. A lot of what I come up with doesn't make it into the show, either because it somehow doesn't fit or because my brain can't quite make a vehicle for it. Any piece of inspirational literature or corporate harpy would point me towards self-improvement: I'm not sure what to do with an idea? Figure it out! Get better at working with it!

In Beyond Good and Evil, Nietzsche refers to the concept of self-improvement as a bourgeois concept which has no spiritual worth.

On the other hand, every job ad in Craigslist that I read wants to hire someone that "Is constantly working on getting better and LOVES constant feedback on how they can be the BEST!!!"

As for me, I veer towards the concept of perfection already achieved.

Lest I sound entirely averse to either labor or ladder-climbing, let me clarify that perfection doesn't necessary involve a certain status or accomplishment. It does not come with a raise, and it doesn't mean you can pay your rent. It just means that as a creature on this planet, you are already whole, complete.

I'm with Nietzsche, but let me add this clause: true transformation, which ultimately would be the goal of an improvement plan worth following, comes from actually being present as the Buddhists and yogis suggest. That's where vision enters in; where there is little to nothing that you feel you need.

Self-improvement, dished out by managers and HR personnel everywhere, is based on the concept of getting better along the same lines you've been walking. 80% rather than 75% of goal. Reaching 12 clients rather than 8. Taking what they hired you for, who they perceived you to be, and adding on more of that hireable you.

But what about outside of the middle-class stairway to heaven? What about if the you you wish to become--and the things you wish to do--require you to step onto a different platform; utilize a different you? What if, fundamentally, getting "better" requires you to make choices that others perceive as doing "worse"?

My life currently doesn't involve eating out at restaurants or driving much or going to entertainment venues or shopping. These are all stand-ins for happiness; cues to an outcome. While I miss these things--Thai food, the movies, trips to H&M--I am much happier now than when I did have these things in my life. There are plenty of people that don't understand this--I am choosing a path which involves this hardship when instead I could use my college degree and get myself a 9 to 5 and order $10 cocktails again. It can get exhausting explaining all of this--and often involves the other person either not believing that I'm currently so bare-bones with money or feeling sorry for me or seeing me as the opposite of that deluxe person who is trucking away at getting better, better, best.

This is one of the current challenges of anyone who does fall in the space between dirt-poor and loaded: either going with or against mass culture. Making individual choices that you can get behind: I know this has spiritual worth (but not in a I'm-getting-better sort of way, of course!). I hope someday corporate culture understands this and fully embraces being good--and continuing on as such. I won't hold my breath on this, of course. I'm getting better at knowing what to count on.