Sir, Don't Buy That Small Dog

Dear Sir,

I appreciate that you would like a canine companion to call your very own, and possibly call over a girlfriend from the pack of bitches on the other side of the dog park. Your taste in clothing, while impeccable, does seem to find exceptional talent in the choosing of both doggie wardrobe and carrier platoon. It would be distasteful of me also to skip entirely mention of the blase you so naturally bring to a scenario involving a Muttley the III.

But Sir, I do beg you to reconsider. Buy a rat, or a hamster. Buy a Dobermann, a stallion, an ostrich. Buy a photograph of a hound, an Hermes leash, an idea.

Do not buy that small dog.

Yours Truly,
The Voice of Wisdom