GI Tracking Treasure Down

Wearing my fauxjamas tee with "THE NEW BEGINNING" splashed across it like so much punk rock, I hereby set out into virgin territory: creating my first Wikipedia page.

You never know how fast you're going to grow up. One minute you're rubbing your fetal little eyesockets, and the next, you're home with the flu doing mindless internet research about what you should do to get better. And then: the sound of the pik-axe hitting precious cargo. The phrase to end all phrases.

Greedy colon.

Physician Goodhart of London first made the remark that excess loss of water in the intestine leading to constipation could indeed be the result of a "greedy colon." A colon that is greedy, lest you get the wrong idea, is actually thirsty. A thirsty colon becomes greedy for more than the average colon's share of H2O.

Do you not see how fateful this discovery is? Do you now know my destiny as the writer of a Wiki page about the concept of greedy colon? I welcome all research, scientific, historical, and diagrammatical, for I am but the messenger to a public anticipating ne'er but at least a stub, dear Reader, demystifying that which end on end runs foot after foot and won't be satisfied even with every last drop.