In Memoriam of Jason Oliver

Today was Jason's memorial gathering in the Bay Area, and while I wasn't there in the flesh, I thought of my dear friend and gazed at the single orchid petal mysteriously placed on the dash of my car. Jason, how could you have left us so suddenly and unexpectedly? Today we celebrate you.

I was going to write Jason a testimonial for his website, but I kept getting hung up on waiting for more results. I knew the work I was doing with him was hugely impactful and that I'd eventually have even more to show for it than the fact that I held my head higher walking through the world; knew myself better. I wanted to have trophies to bring back for him; to hold up tangible proof in honor of my great teacher that by giving so much and asking so little in return from me that he had accomplished everything, even that which seemed impossible. The irony being, of course, that he wouldn't have seen it as his work, but mine. Yet I could never have not seen it as ours.

In the year that I knew Jason, I went from an actress striving just to get in the door to getting called back to audition for Hollywood casting directors and producers for leads in two comedy pilots and a feature film, along with winning a key role in an award-winning short. I began to change how I approached and saw relationships; valuing myself much higher than I had. I finally had a way to get out of any negative sinkhole I sunk into. I can still hear Jason's voice talking back to me when I start to dive under, and it's clear that he will always be with me.

I am so grateful for the time that I had with such a brilliant, wise, caring spiritual leader, who gave because he loved giving, and who loved me to my surprise even though he saw all my difficult sides. He never stopped seeing my name in lights, and now wherever I see light, I see his name.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Jason. I love you.

Audrey