Omigosh, You Guys, I Am Sooo Indian!!

By guest blogger Maggie MySpace

Hello, or what I REALLY meant to say was, NAMASTE YOU GUYS!!

Now I know that you expect a boob shot from Miss Maggie, but now that I'm so Indian that's just NOT going to happen, ok you guys??? Can we just leave that where we left off at last night's party? I'm sure I'll get drunk enough again, alright? YOU GUYS ARE SOOO CRAZY!!!!!!!

Ok, so you probably want to know, how does a white chick like me--yes, I'm a natural blonde!!--end up being sooo totally multicultural? Well I guess it all began when I started taking yoga classes, and realized that like, when you seriously contort your body into different shapes, you just feel more connected to the animals. So I moved near the zoo! (Houseparty pronto, OK??)

When I'm in yoga class, which I do every day, because otherwise how are you going to make progress and achieve anything? If you don't do it, like, all the time, you will seriously not burn off any of that jello you got on in the first place with too many wine coolers! Yoga is about accomplishing something, like losing at least three pounds a day, even if it's just water weight. Yoga is about being Indian!

Sooo, today I finished up in class and went to this Starbucks near my house that is decorated with like, mendhi designs, and has for reals an Indian food bar instead of sandwiches and dried old boxes of cheese. I practically INHALED all the Indian food. How could a true California girl like me enjoy Indian cooking THIS MUCH?

I know the answer. My Vedic astrologer was explaining to me that I have had a lot of past lives in India, and I've totally thought about going there to ride elephants, you know? So really, you might be looking at my pale skin and blonde hair and think, this girl is American. But seriously? When you see me with a plate of Chana Masala you might think different, just like the Apple ad with Gandhi says. You might seriously think different.

Don't be a racist. Just because my skin is pale, doesn't mean I'm not totally from this magical land with pink ponies and dressy shorts and big handpainted signs, and all of my yoga teachers' guru, who wants me to come and study with him. I think when I go there that I won't just fit in with all the pretty Indian people, I think it'll be like I'm just one of them. Like, "Hey Maggie, you are sooo Indian! Look at you in standing bow-pulling pose!!!"

Basically, the divine in me greets the divine in you at TEN O'CLOCK SHARP TOMORROW NIGHT ROCKIN' HOUSE PARTY!!!

Bring dal.