No Talking in the Library

Ooh, the Los Angeles public library is so secretive! I sent them an email about a faulty charge for an overdue book already returned, and got this response:

Dear Audrey,

Since we cannot verify the identity of email users, and for security reasons, we cannot discuss library account information or access a patron's library account in response to email inquiries.

Thank you for contacting the Los Angeles Public Library.

Librarian E.

"Librarian E": that's got to be the code name given when she was inducted into the Secret Order of the Loanable Book. Unfortunately, I cannot verify her identity, or if she is actually a robot sent to steal away tomes given back on time. It wouldn't be safe for me to live in this world if I knew.