My Day As Told to Facebook

I am in a shuttlebus full of twins.
x Are you on your way to Target? No, it's 6 A.M.
x Are you in Doublemint Gum hell? If it were set at an elementary school.
x Were you also given a twin? Silence. I am unsure.

I am watching a six year old make nine times more money than me.
x And the award for the most cryptic and vaguely frightening status updates of the day goes to. We are in a park converted to look like another park. She's wearing purple glasses. Her line is "Daddy, Daddy, Daaaddy!"

I am hanging out with a poodle with very large nipples.
x It's true, but it also had to be said.
x Maybe you've seen that dog of late, just east of Hollywood.
x Not to spread rumors, but that dog gets around.

A rabbi, a midget; and everyone thinks they've met me before.
x Are you trying to induce nightmares? No, but are the rabbi and midget?
x Baby shark fetus? That was another joke, unrelated.
x I didn't mention this, but the midget could do a Pantene commercial, her hair was so shiny.

Deaf men can be paparazzi too.
x They have cameras.