Tax Fat

Dear Harper's Bazaar,

Thank you for asking all the hard-hitting questions on topics impacting the modern woman, and particularly, for your recent article "Is Plastic Making You Fat?"  I already had confirmed through the scientific method that glass, wood, and marble were not making me fat.  But what about plastic? I wondered.  You confirmed that yes, in addition to the requirement that the ladies constantly worry about their lipids in general, they should fear things like water bottles in specific.  I will most take to heart your concluding advice: Wash your hands after handling lots of receipts.  Wow!  I never made the connection that there is nothing like a financial filing escapade to really pack on the pounds.  Like Midas, I suppose what you touch turns; or rather, turns you.  Why not invest in a hazmat suit?  Underneath its protective covering, you're skinny as can be. 

Love,

Audrey