Too Many Marshmallows

My besty recently received the equivalent of an F+ (failed, but with a gold star?) in her graduate art course. The instructor cited that a primary reason was her excessive use of marshmallows in her work. My guess is that he's like a witch that would melt when wet, but only with hot chocolate.

Casting by Keratin

Sometimes it seems so important to have just the right hair for auditions that perhaps one's hair should have its own headshot. Check out the growth from these fine dermal follicles! Peep my keratin bundles! The natural tendency when parsing a photograph, however, is to find a visual entry point: in essence, to find eyes to look into. That is why a gluestick and googlies are a helpful add-on to such an 8x10. Way to stand out in a pack.

Nerd Prank

Boy, I sure showed my coworker when I got out the label maker and attached alternate endings to the word "trans" emblazoned on her backpack! How transgressive of me. Snigger, snigger!

Koan for Businessmen

Don't get so distracted by noticing a gorilla playing basketball that you do not see a gorilla ambling across a canvas-covered chair. Who moved your cheese? How do you artfully go to war? How did that gorilla turn green? Meditate, then consult NASDAQ.

Wooly Pockets

Everywhere I went in San Francisco this weekend, there were plants growing out of wooly pockets. Plants hanging in stores, plants on walls, plants hung in the air. Encased in fall clothes on the summer day, I pondered whether I too was staying sufficiently hydrated, and whether any uprooting to go back to Los Angeles would merely be a matter of undoing a simple grommet from a nail.

No Pink Berry Parking

This parking lot sign, halfway between Trader Joe's and Pinkberry, has a bit of a speech impediment. No Pink. Berry Parking. The color pink not welcome, only berries allowed to park. The color pink cannot park here. If you are the musical artist named Pink, you must go to a different grocery store. If you are a solo berry, you may pull your car into this space. Note that this sign is only over one spot, so all fuschias and large fruit may abandon their vehicles all around. But like a tooth with a smile full of teeth, what could a cherry possibly purchase in a produce section?

Deschanel Doppelganger Moment

Look, it's me and the rest of the cast of my new sitcom on FOX!

Just kidding. I passed on that dress at Anthropologie in favor of something at Kate Spade. But can you really be sure those aren't my jazz hands?

Callback of Snowflakes

When we think of competition, usually it's 94% vs. 95%, close vs. closer, strong vs. stronger. Often we judge by putting two or more highly similar possibilities side by side, to see which choice has the edge. At today's callback, each of the men and each of the women were so distinct that we could have been going in for entirely different parts. Rather than select on a "better than" basis, the director and clients are now able to choose boldly; one pick not superior to another on any superficial standard, but rather on the basis of something more subjective, soulful. The kind of casting from the heart, the kind that counts.

Important Notes For Sunday's Hollywood Networking Event

Congratulations! This card printed on a printer that came free with our office computer was made just for you! We want to maximize use of our color ink cartridge so whenever possible, we used a rainbow color scheme! See this 3/4 inch by 1 inch photo? It was taken at an event we held three years ago and from the backs of people and the slightest indication they are standing near a pool, you can tell it was a success!

We need to know right away if you want to be a star, as demonstrated by your presence at our Hollywood networking event. Important people have already sent in their RSVPs, which is to say that if you do not come you will probably miss the chance of a lifetime to stand with them near a pool and try to become famous. Plus there will be soft drinks!

The dress code is conservative Polynesian attire. No exceptions. It is very important that you mingle luau-style, and climb the ladder/break the glass ceiling/get your big break while looking like you could hula-hoop or play the ukulele. There is no charge to attend, but you are expected to give us all your extra money.

You are cordially invited. To attend! This! Special! Event! Designed exclusively for you. Because we are under the impression that "exclusive" can include everyone on our mailing list, and that you will drop everything to wear an oversized shirt with palm trees on it in order to meet your destiny of getting hit on by an out-of-work producer.