Lamb vs. Banana

Raw foodist Dr. Douglas Graham poses a key question: Put a child in a room with a lamb and a banana. Sit back and watch to see which he plays with and which he eats. While I would invariably choose the banana, I still question Dr. Graham's logic, as there are a few more details we would like to know:

Is the lamb dipped in banana juice? Is the lamb peelable? Does the lamb come with a sprig of parsley?

Does the banana seem like a good schoolyard companion? Does the banana have the face of a fighter? Is the banana actually a pig in a Halloween costume?

Does the child prefer playmates who are yellow or cream-colored: is the child a racist? When the child considers leftovers, does the child want to wear clothing or cause another child to slip to comic effect? Is the child a narcissist only interested in the sound of his own voice, who would be put at dis-ease by the baaing of a new friend?

Does the child eat food, or is the child actually a robot or a breatharian, or a robot who aspires to become human so as to become a monk who is a breatharian? Does the robot perceive monks to wear woolen sweaters? Are those sweaters plain, or do they have a design woven into them, such as the cheerful image of fruit? Is this only to attract press, eager for a good headline about the vanity of those who meditate? And what's with the Raybans anyway: sleeping when everyone thinks you're practicing Tonglen?

Look, you're a robot; you don't need sleep. I thought we made these things to vacuum our houses. Those chip crumbs aren't going to clean themselves up.