The Tiger in the Tale Preview

Set photos from "Bones" episode 804 have arrived online!  Catch a glimpse of my ponytail in the one above, but watch the show on October 8th at 8 PM on FOX to see my actual face.  And, of course, the tiger the in tale!

Date Tape

My discount grocery store loot: papaya, okra, potatoes, cactus, and an onion; for less than the price of a piece of gum at Whole Paycheck.  The real prize, however, was witnessing the nonplussed forty-year-old African American lady cashier get hit on by the sixty-five-year-old Eastern European guy bagger.  With the casual style of a bartender with time on his hands, he wore a big smile on his face and started in as she rang me up.

Bagger: You are beautiful, but you look ugly with that tape on your forehead.

Cashier: I need the tape, I have a headache.

Bagger: Have a shot of vodka with me.  I’m depressed too.

Cashier: I’m keeping the tape.

Bagger: I buy the vodka, you buy the chips.

By the time I left, no firm date was set, but I was pretty sure there was some off-brand liquor in their future.  I suppose the moral of the story is that a man’s willing to look past your imperfections, but you still have to bring him food; or that a piece of tape can keep away a headache, but not a lusty alcoholic.  Or maybe you're just supposed to come for the groceries and stay for the schtick.

Hippest Hipsters

This week, Forbes voted the neighborhood in which I live--Silverlake, in Los Angeles--"America's Hippest Hipster Neighborhood," followed by San Francisco's Mission District and Brooklyn's Williamsburg.  This study was based on things like walkability, artisanal coffee shops per capita, and how well citizens maneuvered walking to and from those coffee shops in their skinny jeans.  Proving that there's nothing quite like being called cool to make you feel uncool, I've been hanging out in Historic Filipinotown instead.  My pants are still tight and my beans are still single origin, but now I'm just so up-and-coming.  Time to find a new Thai vegan spot for some self-mock duck, if you know what I mean.

"Conclusions" Playlist

Visit or revisit my glasses collection, conversations with a lobster and a unicorn, and the eternal quest for some (not so) straight-forward answers about life in all the episodes of "Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet."  Each new episode is added to the playlist, so it's a link to bookmark--or just subscribe to my YouTube channel, audreydundeehannah.  Thanks for watching, and I look forward to bringing you more hijinks later this month!

Malcolm Gladwell Book Report

Today is writer Malcolm Gladwell's birthday, and in his honor, I give a book report as some kind of an art school dropout trying to hustle her way in the newsroom.  You can watch the episode of "This Day Today" here.

The Tiger in the Tale

Lucia (yours truly) and her husband Costas (Ryan Caltagirone) are driving back from a picnic when they end up in a whole lot of trouble.  And so begins the episode of "Bones" called "The Tiger in the Tale," directed by Dwight Little and written by Dean Lopata, to air early October on FOX.  Working on the show was an absolute pleasure, complete with two brilliant blue peacocks wandering through the arboretum where we were filming.  And what's better than getting to do a scene with Bones (Emily Deschanel) and Booth (David Boreanaz)?  

What Do My Strange Dreams Mean?

In "Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet" episode 9, I delve into the People of the Internet's deep-seated fears of mazes, split ends, and sewing machines.  Along the way I also check in with a plastic baby about nude jogging...and don't quite get to play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.  Or do I?

What Does Your Name Say About You?

On this, the eighth day of the eighth month, I give to you episode eight of "Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet."  Expect to have the sexy be brought back to the lobster, and the dancing back to the thumb.  And don't forget to comb your fur.

This Day Today + Me in One Spot

Check out my "This Day Today" playlist, if you want a debrief on the history of sliced bread, the parking meter, and why the U.S. economy is not unlike a grumpy teenager.

OMG Economy

And now for another brief quip via This Day Today, on the American attitude towards the debt issue.  Whatevs!

Parking Meter Patriotism

 

Why, oh why, must we pay to park?  Here's one explanation, via This Day Today.

Which Is The Best Pet For Me?

A corn snake, really?  And what's this business about a new refrigerator?  Enjoy a yam and a unicorn in episode seven of "Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet."  Please watch and share! 

As Good As Sliced Bread

Today my first episode of "This Day Today" is up!  The topic is the history of sliced bread, which is best thing since...you know.  It's a pleasure performing and writing for the show, especially being directed by the supremely talented Lynn Ferguson.  Look for my next episode August 3rd!

What Should I Eat Today?

 The people of the Internet have some pretty specific dietary instructions in episode six of "Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet."  What should you eat today?  Hint: fruit with braggadocio, sneakers and a tennis racket.  And beware, men over 35: you need to hunt down something meant for a baby.

Continuing the theme of what to put in your mouth, stay tuned for this Saturday July 7th, when my first episode of "This Day Today" goes live!

What Should I Wear Today?

Oh, Internet...so many conclusions to be drawn from you.  In episode 5, I ask “What should I wear today?”  Hint: forget about wearing those overwing exit doors, even if there’s a Pan Am pool party.

What Is the Key To Happiness?

"Conclusions To Be Drawn From the Internet" now has a fourth episode!  This time I ask "What is the key to happiness?" and make good use of a Google search.  Preview of coming attractions: JC, a fake relative, and a fashionable lunch. 

How Do I Get A Job?

In each episode of my new webseries, "Conclusions To Be Drawn From The Internet," I use the top 10 or 20 results on a Google search to answer life's most pressing questions.  In episode three, I ask the question "How do I get a job?"  Hint: playtime with 1040s and the future of the POTUS.

What Should I Do For Fun?

In each episode of my new webseries, "Conclusions To Be Drawn From The Internet," I use the top 10 or 20 results on a Google search to answer life's most pressing questions.  In episode two, I ask "What should I do for fun?"  Hint: horse, batter, tweezers, shoes.

Am I A Normal Man or Lady?

In each episode of my new webseries, "Conclusions To Be Drawn From The Internet," I use the top 10 or 20 results on a Google search to answer life's most pressing questions.  In episode one, I ask what we'd all like to know: "Am I normal man or lady?"  Hint: get started on the eating of biscuits and the chasing of nerds. 

180 Minutes of Spinning Pony!

We did it!  On Sunday, my spinning buddies and I logged in three hours at YAS-a-thon, fundraising for cancer research in Southern California through ThinkCure! and benefiting the local children's hospital.  Together, our roomful of folks raised over $25,000, and we had a blast hollering and jumping around on our bikes.