Cottonpuff Worm Visits a Medspa

My eyelids are drooping. Do you do Thermage? Check out those elevens. How about Botox? I may be hyperpigmenting due to sun damage. What can you offer me on Fraxel? And do you see that wrinkle by my nasolabial fold? Do you? It's terrifying, don't you think? Well, don't you?

Part of Fascination

Ancient astrology includes calculations referred to now as "Arabic Parts," not because they are all Arabic in origin but because that's the part of the world that ended up collecting them for posterity. The Part of Karma, the Part of Marriage, the Part of Fortune; and my favorite, the Part of Fascination. Take the ascendant, add Venus, and subtract Uranus. Because there's nothing fascinating about Uranus. (Bah-dum-bum. I'll be here all night, folks...)

Beard the Lion In His Own Den

When you confront the opposition on their turf, you're bearding the lion in his own den. Or in my case today, taking on the part of me that wants to hang onto my old clutter. Boxes of the stuff!

I have a new workplace friend who's adept at waxing, and like her I imagine taking big blue sticks and ripping away whatever mustache or soul patch was on the face of the me keeping too many papers.

And if I have to give my messy persona a Brazilian, I will give my messy persona a Brazilian.

London Calling

Today I traveled through Heathrow airport.

Okay, so it was a college in Santa Clarita turned into the international hub for a popular ABC Family show. But as I emerged down a long staircase into the bustling crowd, flight info tickers turning, it felt real, like a premonition. Like my neighbor's freshly strung Christmas tree when it's barely Halloween; an early entrance, but with each passing day, more and more relevant.

With All the Things You Can Eat

Congratulations! my recent allergy test results seemed to say. Look at all the things you can eat! But then I saw that nestled between scans for milk, gluten, and soy allergies was an unexpected word: COCKROACH. You know, I wasn't really all that concerned as to whether I had clearance to consume vermin, but apparently my system is at the ready if I so choose. Thanks, Quest Diagnostics, for keeping my options open.

Shoe, Pet, or Food?

Maybe it goes with jeans.

Maybe it's a baby lamb.

Or perhaps it's by your side, waiting for a walk and a biscuit.

Calling All Talented Actors Without Discerning Taste

The above is a small segment of an email I received this week regarding a workshop to meet a manager. I don't know about you, other able actors, but I am not looking to be a part of a barnyard. At least not professionally.

"April" in Mockfest and Shockfest!

According to director Mike Piccirillo, "April" is the first film in the history of Mockfest and Shockfest to be chosen for both! That's what happens when you've got a ghouly-themed mockumentary that's awesome. The related festivals run November 12-14th, with "April" kicking off Shockfest on the Friday and wowing the pants off of Mockfest later that weekend. If festivals even wear pants. I hope this festival doesn't go commando, because that would be really awkward.

Yes to This, That, and the Other

Archie Grand is on to something...don't fill your journal with soppy missives about almosts, catalogue what works. This is for me! That is what I'm after! Forget about the other! Our possessions, if weeded properly, do that job wordlessly every day. They are not who we are, but they remind us; a multi-surfaced mirror. Striped t-shirts, novelty ice cube tray collection? Here's looking at me, kid.

GOOD NEWS YOU HAVE WON!!!!

Spam? Are you kidding? I am thrilled to have won the Irish lottery!! I hope it comes with a pot of gold, a rainbow, a leprechaun, and an actual-sized man.

I Went to Stanford

Today I submitted myself for two acting roles:

1) A woman who is type A and terrified of farting, and then finally does;

2) A bride.

Thank you, Hollywood, for your limitless opportunities.

Looking Moneyed: Balls

Giant wooden balls: a necessity for every classy home. Why buy just one when you can fill a living room table with them? Show your guests how big your balls can be.

Hey Mister, Spare a Dime?

Payphones: they still exist. In case you hadn't seen one in awhile, here's two. So much for worrying about having five bars...

In Memoriam of Jason Oliver

Today was Jason's memorial gathering in the Bay Area, and while I wasn't there in the flesh, I thought of my dear friend and gazed at the single orchid petal mysteriously placed on the dash of my car. Jason, how could you have left us so suddenly and unexpectedly? Today we celebrate you.

I was going to write Jason a testimonial for his website, but I kept getting hung up on waiting for more results. I knew the work I was doing with him was hugely impactful and that I'd eventually have even more to show for it than the fact that I held my head higher walking through the world; knew myself better. I wanted to have trophies to bring back for him; to hold up tangible proof in honor of my great teacher that by giving so much and asking so little in return from me that he had accomplished everything, even that which seemed impossible. The irony being, of course, that he wouldn't have seen it as his work, but mine. Yet I could never have not seen it as ours.

In the year that I knew Jason, I went from an actress striving just to get in the door to getting called back to audition for Hollywood casting directors and producers for leads in two comedy pilots and a feature film, along with winning a key role in an award-winning short. I began to change how I approached and saw relationships; valuing myself much higher than I had. I finally had a way to get out of any negative sinkhole I sunk into. I can still hear Jason's voice talking back to me when I start to dive under, and it's clear that he will always be with me.

I am so grateful for the time that I had with such a brilliant, wise, caring spiritual leader, who gave because he loved giving, and who loved me to my surprise even though he saw all my difficult sides. He never stopped seeing my name in lights, and now wherever I see light, I see his name.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Jason. I love you.

Audrey

Poster Sets It Straight

Death, marriage, shopping: and a whole lot of driving down the freeway. That's my week in review. Thank you, local poster, for the reminder You Have Everything You Need. Even as the world turns, we're eternally internally equipped.

Facebook, As Demonstrated By An Only Child

At least the lines of communication are open.

How Many Llamas?

This spring I participated in a filmed showcase, and it's finally online to view! Rather than hold industry folk hostage in a dusty, hot theater at any given 8 PM, the online version offers a chance to see us all work with the upgrade of seeing us on camera. You can view the showcase scene here.

You May Know Me By My Netflix Queue

And I wouldn't want my pants any other way.

Candy Orders Action

Taking self-promotion to whole new heights, this wrapper says what's what. Chocolate bar, you've really outdone yourself.

Bank Uses Communication Strategy

Hello to you too, Bank. Now what? If you'll excuse me, Coffee Shop has a better pickup line.