iSpam

In my spam folder: an email from "Audrey." Subject: "Hi Audrey." First line: "Please don't ignore me. I found you on that dating site..."

After reading way too many self-help books in my early twenties and then dating way too many people that were wrong for me, it is official. I am romantically pursuing myself. Or rather, some scam company that uses spam to hunt for suckers is trying to lure me...with me.

"How could you turn you down?" the email seems to pander. "Is it not that you appreciate yourself enough to try going out on one little date? Is it not that you will also send my work colleague in England who frequents Craigslist $10,000 so that he can double your money through a legitimate business proposal?"

Perhaps this emailing trickster saw one of my new headshots, and thought, "She'd definitely go out with her." As if I needed a middleman. I'm out with me right now.